I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
