we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
