If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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