I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
