Where is the hickey?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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