i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
