Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
