sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
