She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I will pee on everything he values.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
