ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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