Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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