im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
