I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
