I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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