So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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