I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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