i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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