Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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