I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm always down for nudity.
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