I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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