Only a mothe r could love this liver
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
