dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have demons in me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.