Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
