Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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