How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
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