shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
