I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
