her vagine was all disorganized.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
