return my video game
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
