Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
