he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
