Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
