last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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