I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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