I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
