We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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