I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
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Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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