im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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