Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
