I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
