Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
