I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just tell him i said nine months
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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