Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
