guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
