Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
