there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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