I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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