He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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