Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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