Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
