Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
