my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
