So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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