Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Randomize