i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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