I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
