I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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