So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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