WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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