All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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