I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
