At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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