His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ladies don't puke and tell
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
