I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
