he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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