not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
