do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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