Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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