i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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