When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
