I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
