I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
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They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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