we have officially lost it.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
