he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
