She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
