yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
